Thursday, December 30, 2010

Lost in Translation

*sigh*...ok so I have completely written the English version of the application essay, which to my surprise was a completely painless endeavor.  The words completely flowed right out of my brain onto the piece of paper.....ah, the joys of speaking English.

So after sailing on cloud nine while writing the English version of the essay, I was abruptly ejected from the cloud when I started to translate in into FRENCH.  Translating this essay has been one of the most frustrating challenges my brain has had to overcome in a long time (and I minored in Biology and had to take extremely hard "-ology" classes).  It took me 2 hours to translate 300 English words and I ended up not going to bed until 3am.  The worst part is that half of the translation is complete shit because I'm not fluent in French and have to depend on the French I've learned from 2 semesters.  At this point I'm just trying to "get 'er done" with as few scars as possible...God I really hope they will understand what I am trying to say!

...did I mention that I'm a total procrastinator and that the essay is due tomorrow? MERDE!!!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!
Joyeux Noel! a gift to myself, I will pin my ass down and FINALLY complete the application essay that is due next Friday!

Monday, December 6, 2010

The big green giant...

Wow as crazy and boring things have been at home, I am SHOCKED how fast time seems to be going! It's already been a while since my last post, I already said that I'm bad with these types of things and I was about to continue my avoidance dance but I got inspired by a recent (like in the last  24 hours) chain of events.  To put a long story short, as you all know (and by all, I mean anyone who cares to read this blog), I have a very bad itch to travel and spend some time abroad.  So right now I am completing an application for an teaching assistant position on France.  I'm pretty much done with 75% of the application, but the essay, yes, the dang essay has me stumped! I have a million ideas floating in my head and I kinda know what I want to say, but I can't seem to put it in words and on paper, let alone translate it into French.  Every time, like earlier today, when I try to write things down my mind loses focus and suddenly I am bombarded with thoughts of joy, hope, fear, stress and even failure.

....but I digress, that's still not what inspired me to write today.  Even though I am applying for this program and if when I get in I know it will be a great opportunity for me, right now in the present, my body is not abroad, rather stuck in the suburbs performing a regurgitating task of going to school, going to work and paying bills.  I have to time for my self because every free moment I have I use it to catch up on sleep.  I haven't even been looking forward to the holidays because any money made is spent on tuition payments and time off for the holidays = overtime at work and a couple more hours of sleep. I don't even have the luxury of procrastinating school work and going out because I am no longer in the city, where there are ample opportunities of distraction.  I feel like the old, adventurous and spontaneous me is slowly being devoured by suburbia.  I mean tonight I realized that I have not worn any mascara or eyeliner in 3 months! I simply don't have the energy to put them on because what's the point? what's the point, wow never thought I would believe such a thing.  I don't know where all this is coming from and why I feel this way sometimes, I mean I'm only 22.  Theoretically, I have plenty of time to explore and see what the word has to offer.  But saying that and actually believing it are as different as French and Chinese, because the truth is I WANT IT NOW! I don't want to wait, I don't want to be wise and sensible, I WANT TO LIVE! there I said it (and it feels good to be honest)!  But even with this frustration, I calm down because I have been patient with myself and with the Lord, I mean its not like I have ran away from home yet.

My friend booked a flight to Paris, as described on her facebook.  When I saw the post, literally my 1st response was "*Gasp*, what the hell?!" I was shocked and envious because she literally just came back from the Caribbean and now she's off to Europe.  I thought to myself, "Damn, for once why can't that be me".  Well duh, I don't have the money to do that and she does. Yet even though I'm aware of this, my skin still began to take on a greenish hue and envy slowing began to take up every space in my veins, like a poison.  I had to calm myself down so that I wouldn't have another temper tantrum and don't get me wrong, I am very happy for my friend and I'm glad she has the resources to travel and I would never do anything to stop her, but seeing her travel made me feel like she was doing everything I wanted to do but haven't.  Instead of being upset, I decided to try to let go of the envy and let God (you know "let go and let God").  I prayed out loud and said God please be with me right now and dissolve these feelings I'm having and let your will be done.  The prayer certainly helped because I didn't think about it for the rest of the night.  The other source of inspiration was from the blogs of one of my favorite traveling sistas Oneika.  I decided to read her past blogs and I came across some post she made after her teaching position in Mexico.  She was struggling with the decision to stay home for a year or pack her bags and go.  It was really refreshing to hear someone who went through the same struggles I am am dealing with now, I'm not the only one with that itch.

I am going to finish that damn essay and reintroduce myself to my eyeliner (maybe)!

...a blast from my recent past (this is what I look like with eyeliner and mascara).

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dum Dum Dummmm.....

As the dramatic sounded effects indicated in the title, something or somethings BIG in my life are about to happen.  Well for starters, the TAPIF (Teaching Assistant Position in France) application is now open and I have filled out 65% of the application.  I still need my rec's, a physical exam and to write my statement of intent. Ohhhh and yeah I still need to figure out what are my top 3 "acadĂ©mies souhaitĂ©es" (the top 3 regions on France I would like to teach in).  I read on the teaching assistant blog that sometimes people are not placed in any of the 3 they chose and were placed somewhere COMPLETELY random, but I want to take my chance and try to chose 3 regions I would like to be placed in (blind faith).  If they place me in a region outside of happy camper for me!

Secondly I am also applying for a neuroanatomy research position in, drumroll please.......BRAZIL! lol, yeah, can you tell I'm nuts yet? Yep, Brazil, soooo random but it sounds like a great opportunity for me and it combines me two loves, doing things related to science and medicine AND getting to leave the US.  To be completely honest with myself I am not really counting on this internship, I mean there are only 6 spots available and only God knows how many people are applying, plus I don't speak Portuguese. But I'm going to give it my all i the application and if it is God's will, then it will be done.

So certain gears in my life are being turned and its all exciting but for some reason, there is a small terror beginning to grow inside me.  It all started when I went to the TAPIF website and discovered that the application was open (which was sometime last week).  I gasped because I had been waiting for so long but then I stopped and starred an my laptop for a minute. Suddenly everything I was hoping to do became a reality. I thought to myself "Holy shit, am I actually about to apply to this thing, am I really gonna live in France for 7-9 months?" It was like ALL the excitement I had been building up vanished and fear rushed in to replace it.  I ended not opening the application until a couple days later in order to calm myself down. I probably won't be able to write my essay until I have a complete sound mind.  Maybe I'm just scared of what reactions will be like if I actually do this. I mean, my mama doesn't even know yet.  Maybe I just scared that she will reject the idea and the entire program if I decide to do it. Things have been tough in our family recently but all she wants me to do is to be focused, but it's not like me wanting to travel will delete all of my our aspirations, I would be gone for 1 year maybe 2 if I REALLY like the program and then its back to life as I know it.

So to build the momentum back up I have been trying my best to brush up on my French.  I watched a French film called "Mon Meilleur Ami" and "Unfaithful" (it's not a French film but Olivier Martinez is alll the French you need) and I have been sleeping to the soundtrack of "Amelie". Plus I borrowed some "French for Dummies" type of books help me practice until I can take classes at l'Alliance Francise again.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

So here we go...The 1st Post

Ok, so I finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and create a blog.  I think this new venture is comical because ever since I can remember I have been trying to document my thoughts and feelings in different journals.  I was cleaning my room the other day and found the remains of 10 different incomplete diaries, so only time will tell whether or not I am faithful to this blog.

Basically, I was pretty much forced to create this blog because I have been reading tons of blogs about a million different topics of my interest (bedroom remodeling, travel, relationships) but I could never leave a comment because I A.) didn't have a Gmail account and B.) didn't have a blogger I killed 2 pretty birds with one stone and got both.  So I have spent my entire Lazy Sunday importing my whole entire life into my gmail account and leaving numerous question and comments on different blogs.

The purpose of this blog is to document some of my personal feelings and my hopes/ desires to travel.  To give you some background info about me, I am a 22-year old recent college grad who pretty much had her life planned out, almost to a 'T'.  But living in a shity difficult economy has not been easy and before I knew it, I found myslef jobless for 3 months.  Fortunately my old job took me back, so now I at least have a paycheck and could focus on beginning the medical school application process.  But there was this tiny voice inside me that kept growing and gaining momentum.  This voice, this feeling, kept reminding me of the urge I've always had to GO. GO and live life, GO and be young and stupid, Go and leave the country, GO and see the world.  I have always considered myself to be a "world citizen" becasue I am an American born Nigerian female who speaks Spanish, English and French.  I live to learn about new cultures, customs and traditions and enjoy exchanging my West-African-American culture for another's.  I have been to 3 different continents (each 2 week stints) but I never went abroad in college, and to this day that decisions kills me.  I have felt a strong feeling of incompleteness becasue I haven't spent a long amount of time abroad.  But no more of that! I am taking certain steps and will make certain decisions to make that dream a reality.

So here I am blogging my life away.  I want this blog to be honest, real and un-cut and I hope this blog can inspire or relate to someone just like other blogs have inspired me.