Happy Valentine's Day!

No, I don't have a Valentine, because having a Valentine is bullshit, but I do think the day is pretty cute and the candy that will be half-priced tomorrow is also a plus (not that I know anything about that).

A weighty issue....

Ok so this post stems from an interesting conversation I had on Sykpe today with my Italian friend in Rome.  We were doing the usual and talking his relationship troubles with his girlfriend, when I jokingly told him:

"Hey, you know, when I come to visit you, you need to hook me up with one of your friends"!

Completely perplexed by this phrase he said:

"Hook me up, what does means?"

So I said:

"You know hook me like you need to introduce me to one of your friends".  

His response was: 

"Ohhh Yes, Ugomma....but you need to be slim".

I became silent and couldn't say another word.  After 10 seconds of silence he explained, 

"Because...well you know in Italy they like the women slim not big, and my friends are this way.  I don't think this way, I like women with the meat but my friends, no."

My response: 

"Oh.............ohhhhh......."

This comment lead him to a very long tangent about his friends who have visited and about how they had preconceived notions about what American women look like because of the American movies they watched, but when they landed on the good 'ol US of A, their dream were quickly thwarted by the sea of fat American women.  I became defensive and my inner-American-patriot came out and I told him:

"Well you have to remeber, in America we have may people of differnt cultures and races, I mean, theren't even that many black women in Italy. And most black women carry weight differntly then white women.  We have bigger hips, butts and breats, we not just fat".

So he said:

"Yes, but I think American food is very bad.  How many hamburgers do you eat in a week?"

At this point I could feel my face starting to flush and I yelled:

"Hey, just because I'm American DOES NOT mean I eat hamburgers every fucking day.  I don't have the money to eat like that and I wouldn't want to eat like that!"

So of course, him being the great Italian he is, responded:

"You know, you should do the Mediterranean Diet".

At this point I didn't want to go any further, so I said:

"Ok"

.....quite the conversation, huh?  To be honest it was the first time in my whole entire life that a man other than my father inenvertedly called me fat.  When he said "I need to be slim", it was strange, initially I didn't get angry or upset I just kinda sat there.  I knew he was telling the truth because the truth is I am fat overweight and I would like to be slim and I'm trying very hard to lose as much weight as possible before going to Europe, but I was completely taken aback that he was so direct. I mean in the US it's unheard of for a man to talk about a woman's weight.  I'm used to girlfriends giving me "Oh, Ugomma your a thick girl, but it would be nice if you lost a few" but for a man to call me out on my weight without any reservation....wow.....speechless.  When we had this conversation at first I didn't think to much about it. wait that's a lie, I did think about it because I totally texted my friend about it an hour later.  But sitting here many hours after the conversation, I am starting to feel the weight of his words.  I know he probably didn't intend to be hurtful but damn, is this what I'm going to have to deal with in Europe?  As an American I'm accustomed to the naiveté of topics about weight, so I completely felt out of place when he was so honest with me, and it felt kinda crummy. 

Back to Basics...

Tuesday will mark the 1-month anniversary of my TAPIF application submission.  To my delight, the month went by pretty fast but I think agony and anticipation are starting to creep up on me; plus it doesn't help that I started the spring semester and I'm ALREADY over it after getting a 200 page reading assignment (in cell biology may I add) due in 3 days.

So after certain sequence of events, I came to an outstanding realization.........I, Ugomma Nwachukwu, am losing MY FRENCH!!! Yes! It's true, it's really true!

I don't even know how it happened! I mean it happened soooo fast! It felt like one minute I could have a almost full-on conversation about a wide variety of topics and now, I can barely get my conjugations in order! I blame myself really, I mean the last time I was in a formal French class was in June and based on the college level French classes I'm only really only up to an intermediate level and at that level you either keep taking French until you are fluent or quit and forget about it.  Of course I wanted to do the former but as life would have it, I ended up doing the latter.  I have not been diligent in doing things to practice French like listening to music, the news or even having conversations in French, plus Spanish dominated my life again and now it seems Italian my invade my linguistic repertoire!

But...NO MORE! Like the beautiful album by Christina Aguilera, I have decided to go back to basics. How? Easy, I dusted off my neglected French book from college and opened the book to page 1. I decided that every day, I would read 4 pages of my French text book until I finish the book (it's about 490 pages).  A lot of the pages have exercises so that will be extra practice.  I'm going to do this hopefully into the summer time, which I will then hopefully take another French class before jetting off to France (Lord willing, if everything works out with my acceptance!).  I made this new resolution to myself on Sunday and already I have failed.  I've only done 3 days worth of reading instead of 6; BUT that is nay the point. I promised myself I would not be so hard on my self and beat myself up for slacking off, I can't change the past, all I can do is keep trying to fulfill my resolution. 

bonne chance à moi....

J'ai fini!!!

I DID IT!!!

Today, about 6 hours ago, I submitted my application for TAPIF.  I can't believe I actually did it! I had been doubting myself and totally pschyed myself out into writing the essay completely last minute, but I did it.  I am actually in the running to be in France for 7-9 months.  Now of course I get to play the waiting game until April when I find out whether or not they even accepted me, but even with this I can't help but feel optimistic about 2011.  This application was more than just an application, it was an self-acknowledgment that if I truly wanted something, I could go after it, no matter what anyone says.  Doing this program may be one of the most frivolous things I will ever do that has absolutely nothing to do with my future in medicine, but at least it will bring into fruition a dream of mine to GO, be the pretty bird my parents named me and fly away.

As for the logistics of the application, for me the most challenging part, other than the dreaded essay, was deciding where I wanted to go.  I knew from day one that I DID NOT want to be in Paris.  I mean, yes, Paris is lovely and does have a certain je ne sais quoi, but I think it's such an overrated city in France with enough snobbery to last a millennia.  So I decided that I wanted to see the other side of France and focused on the south. I really really really want to be in Toulouse.  After doing alot of research on the city I fell in love with the city, its culture and student population.  Here are my top three choices:

1.) Toulouse (fingers, arms and legs crossed for this one!)
2.) Montpellier (BEAUTIFUL city really close to Spain and Italy)
3.) Paris (ehhh, why not?)

...so I ended up putting Paris as a 3rd choice, not because I'm a hypocrite, but Paris is a great city and its the only region where you are guaranteed to be in a city, for all I know they could throw me into the boondocks of southern France far far away from civilization with a population over the age of 45, so just in case, I put Paris.

But to be honest I like my choices and would be extremely satisfied with either one.

Bonne Année!

Lost in Translation

*sigh*...ok so I have completely written the English version of the application essay, which to my surprise was a completely painless endeavor.  The words completely flowed right out of my brain onto the piece of paper.....ah, the joys of speaking English.

So after sailing on cloud nine while writing the English version of the essay, I was abruptly ejected from the cloud when I started to translate in into FRENCH.  Translating this essay has been one of the most frustrating challenges my brain has had to overcome in a long time (and I minored in Biology and had to take extremely hard "-ology" classes).  It took me 2 hours to translate 300 English words and I ended up not going to bed until 3am.  The worst part is that half of the translation is complete shit because I'm not fluent in French and have to depend on the French I've learned from 2 semesters.  At this point I'm just trying to "get 'er done" with as few scars as possible...God I really hope they will understand what I am trying to say!

...did I mention that I'm a total procrastinator and that the essay is due tomorrow? MERDE!!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Joyeux Noel!

....as a gift to myself, I will pin my ass down and FINALLY complete the application essay that is due next Friday!

The big green giant...

Wow as crazy and boring things have been at home, I am SHOCKED how fast time seems to be going! It's already been a while since my last post, I already said that I'm bad with these types of things and I was about to continue my avoidance dance but I got inspired by a recent (like in the last  24 hours) chain of events.  To put a long story short, as you all know (and by all, I mean anyone who cares to read this blog), I have a very bad itch to travel and spend some time abroad.  So right now I am completing an application for an teaching assistant position on France.  I'm pretty much done with 75% of the application, but the essay, yes, the dang essay has me stumped! I have a million ideas floating in my head and I kinda know what I want to say, but I can't seem to put it in words and on paper, let alone translate it into French.  Every time, like earlier today, when I try to write things down my mind loses focus and suddenly I am bombarded with thoughts of joy, hope, fear, stress and even failure.

....but I digress, that's still not what inspired me to write today.  Even though I am applying for this program and if when I get in I know it will be a great opportunity for me, right now in the present, my body is not abroad, rather stuck in the suburbs performing a regurgitating task of going to school, going to work and paying bills.  I have to time for my self because every free moment I have I use it to catch up on sleep.  I haven't even been looking forward to the holidays because any money made is spent on tuition payments and time off for the holidays = overtime at work and a couple more hours of sleep. I don't even have the luxury of procrastinating school work and going out because I am no longer in the city, where there are ample opportunities of distraction.  I feel like the old, adventurous and spontaneous me is slowly being devoured by suburbia.  I mean tonight I realized that I have not worn any mascara or eyeliner in 3 months! I simply don't have the energy to put them on because what's the point? what's the point, wow never thought I would believe such a thing.  I don't know where all this is coming from and why I feel this way sometimes, I mean I'm only 22.  Theoretically, I have plenty of time to explore and see what the word has to offer.  But saying that and actually believing it are as different as French and Chinese, because the truth is I WANT IT NOW! I don't want to wait, I don't want to be wise and sensible, I WANT TO LIVE! there I said it (and it feels good to be honest)!  But even with this frustration, I calm down because I have been patient with myself and with the Lord, I mean its not like I have ran away from home yet.

My friend booked a flight to Paris, as described on her facebook.  When I saw the post, literally my 1st response was "*Gasp*, what the hell?!" I was shocked and envious because she literally just came back from the Caribbean and now she's off to Europe.  I thought to myself, "Damn, for once why can't that be me".  Well duh, I don't have the money to do that and she does. Yet even though I'm aware of this, my skin still began to take on a greenish hue and envy slowing began to take up every space in my veins, like a poison.  I had to calm myself down so that I wouldn't have another temper tantrum and don't get me wrong, I am very happy for my friend and I'm glad she has the resources to travel and I would never do anything to stop her, but seeing her travel made me feel like she was doing everything I wanted to do but haven't.  Instead of being upset, I decided to try to let go of the envy and let God (you know "let go and let God").  I prayed out loud and said God please be with me right now and dissolve these feelings I'm having and let your will be done.  The prayer certainly helped because I didn't think about it for the rest of the night.  The other source of inspiration was from the blogs of one of my favorite traveling sistas Oneika.  I decided to read her past blogs and I came across some post she made after her teaching position in Mexico.  She was struggling with the decision to stay home for a year or pack her bags and go.  It was really refreshing to hear someone who went through the same struggles I am am dealing with now, I'm not the only one with that itch.

I am going to finish that damn essay and reintroduce myself to my eyeliner (maybe)!

...a blast from my recent past (this is what I look like with eyeliner and mascara).