Paris, Paris, Paris, The city of lights, the city of love... my new home in September 2011. I'm going to embark on a journey I have only dreamed about for so long and now it is suddenly a reality, and even though I'm excited, its a dream come....I'm terrified, I'm terrified, I'm terrified.
I never give myself credit about how much I'm stuck in my comfort zone, how much I'm stuck in this place. For the longest time I would say to myself, "I want to travel, I what to get away, I want to see the world". And now, now that I have that chance, the chance to run, to go, to fly, to be free and yet I'm scared, I'm terrified, I'm terrified, I'm terrified. There are so many questions what if, what will happen what will become of me
I bought my plane ticket to Paris on Friday the 13th. It's funny because, I remember staring at the computer for 5 minutes before I clicked "Finalize Order". I thought to myself, am I really about to this? The whole time I starred I thought, "this is it, this is it, it all becomes real now. So I took a deep breath in and out and clicked Finalize Order. There, I did it, I've done it, I'm going to Paris.
This week I had a break down, I had a break down because fear took over me. I've never done anything like this before in my life. As much as I am excited to have an opportunity like this, I'm so scared. It not like me to leave my comfort zone. I mean I been to 3 different continents but I never gave it much thought because before I knew it I was back home. I'm 23 years old and my life has revolved around the same 25 mile radius. Born in Washington DC, moved to Maryland, went to school in DC and moved back home to Maryland. DC, Maryland, DC, Maryland. I never really knew how much of an impact this place has on me and even though I want to leave, part of me is not willing to. I can't believe this is all really happening, I can't believe I am going to Paris, I'm going to Paris, I'm going to Paris. A dream come true, now a frightening reality.
I hope all the worry and anxiety will go away soon, so that I can get back to being excited about Paris but je ne sais pas.
I wrote this because I needed to be honest with myself before I can be honest with anybody else. This journey I'm about to embark, will be a chance to learn about myself, and how I can handle myself in a new place. I will be in another country with a completely different culture, language and way of life; and me, the Nigerian-American girl, sheltered and yet spunky, sassy and spontaneous has to somehow fit in and deal with it. I can't help but fear, there are so many unknowns, where will I live, what will I eat, what will I do, will I have any friends, will I kiss a boy...I don't know. I want to be excited but I can't quite shake this feeling off yet.
Maybe it's just the preparation jitters, it'll going away soon....right?
Live in the moment, girlfriend!! I can see why you would be apprehensive, but take comfort in the fact that there are TONS of people doing the same program as you and everybody will be in the same boat (re: being scared, not sure about housing, admin stuff, etc). The network of assistants is wide and varied, and Paris is a huge, bustling city with tons of things to do, see, and new things to learn!! I'm jealous you're doing this program- you're making me wish I had applied again!
ReplyDeleteTry not to take the terror as fear and use it as exciting. Yes, it's the unknown and it is VERY scary to get outside of your comfort zone. But you WILL be more than okay! It can be overwhelming, but honestly, at the end of the day, French people are people, too, and France isn't sooooo different from the US (in comparison to some other parts of the world). Make the fear excitement and don't let it hold you back.
ReplyDeleteI was just in Paris a couple days ago. Paris amazing. Fran and I both fell in love! I'm going to visit her in France and I've decided, the three of us must meet :)
ReplyDeleteUgomma,
ReplyDeleteYou are explaining the exact same feelings I had before I did the assistantship program. It really shows me how far I've come.
Please read my post about comfort zones! I'm going to start a "comfort zone challenge" to encourage myself and others to leave their comfort zone every day and blog about it. While in Paris this will happen to you naturally-- for even a trip to the bank or grocery store will be out of your comfort zone for a while-- so I think it would be a great thing to write about to inspire your readers!
People like to think of Europe as this far away place and I receive a lot of strange reactions when I speak so nonchalantly about moving to Paris. In reality, it's just a city with people who live and work and play just like anywhere else. You are going to learn so much about yourself and what you are capable of (trust me, it's more than you think!)
Bisous et courage!
How is the moving planning coming along?? Excited? :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, boys post coming soon :)
-Jess
You'll be great you'll be fine :)
ReplyDeleteAt least you're going into a relatively solid and safe program - you're not 'ad-libbing' as you go :)
Even if everything goes downhill (as it did when I arrived in France last year) you WILL survive.
Wear a big smile on your heart - you're lucky lucky lucky and you will have fun fun fun! There will be lots of TA's around when you don't know anyone yet - and Paris is prettyyyyyy!
Bon courage!